The Key to keeping the magic alive in a serious romantic relationship whether married or seriously dating, experts say is finding ways to promote the positive.
Numerous studies show that intimate relationships can be the single most important life satisfaction. Though, most couples have good intentions for longevity when entering a significant romantic relationship, but unfortunately their relationship languishes and deteriorates overtime. Yet some do stay together and thrive. This posses the only question, how? The answer points to the recent and still developing field of positive psychology. This was founded in 1998 by psychologist Martin E. P. Seligman. Positive psychology research from recent years proves that lasting couples focus on the positive in life more than those who are unhappy or divorced. This could prove that relationships have a better chance of happiness and longevity if both partners are generally happier or see the glass half full before the relationship is unraveled and in progress.
In the past, psychology seemed to focus more on how couples handle negative emotions like anger, sadness or hate for indication of effectiveness of one’s relationship. Studies show that how your partner responds to the exuberant events may be a better way to determine the health of the relationship. For example, your partner comes home and enthusiastically announces that he or she got a promotion at work and you respond like so, “that’s nice honey.” This languishing emotion response towards your significant other can be just as damaging as a direct insult or negative comment. Which naturally by cause and affect can create a down ward spiral of negative emotions, promoting lack of interest towards your lover. Fortunately, Life offers many chances to respond supportively to optimistic announcement. Gable and Jonathan Haidt of the University of Virginia reported that, for most people, positive events happen at least 3 times more that negative ones do. So, the next time you want to spark your connectedness with your partner, be sure to respond with excitement, interest and positivity towards their positive event or announcement.
Science proves that couples who celebrate positive events often have dramatically higher chance of happiness and longevity. Let’s all learn this lesson so that ultimately we may be happier with our partners. It’s an obligation to be there for your lover when times are hard and negative, but why isn’t a must to be there for our loved ones when things are going good?
Writing Influence by
Suzann Pileggi (The Happy Couple) January 2009
Scientific American Mind, Pg 35-39
